Decision Made

Friday, January 16, 2009

After talking with every cardiologist we know...from Boston to UAB to Emory...Brian and I have decided to go ahead and do the hearth cath. It is scheduled for 6:00 am on Friday, January 23. I am glad to have the decision made, but I am very nervous about Jack having the procedure done. The risk factors terrify me...

The nurse called the other day to tell me about what to expect...I did a lot of “Ok”, “Uh, huh” and “that sounds good”. I was just trying to fight back all the tears while I was talking with her. When I got off the phone, I started crying. Of course I was in the car, and I turned right around and drove home..crying the whole way. I got home grabbed up Jack and held him and told him just how sorry I am. I am sorry for the pain he is not going to understand. I am sorry for the possible limitation all of this is going to cause him. I am sorry for how common all the doctors are going to be.

I am so scared for Jack. I think the worse part is knowing that this procedure is so minor compared to the ones he is going to have to face later. I am so nervous about the outcomes too. What if the pressure reading is not what they think it will be and he has to have surgery next month? I am not ready for the “clock” to start against his heart. I am not ready to know that he will need to have a heart transplant to live into adulthood. I look at him and he is so perfect and healthy...most days I forget about the mess on the inside. I am so blessed for the good health he does have now. I read about other children with similar issues and I know just how blessed we are, but it does not make it any easier.

So, start praying!!! Pray for Jack’s safety during and after the procedure. Pray for the surgeon’s hands...that he will not hit any conductive part of his heart to cause a pacemaker to be required. Pray that we do not have to stay overnight in the hospital. Pray that Jack is able to stay still for 6 hours after the procedure. Pray that Brian and I make it through without falling apart. Just PRAY!!!